Ellie Charlton

"Don't cry because it's over.
Smile because it happened."
A person that change the
United Methodist Church

by David Gunnell

My friend Ellie Charlton died on Wednesday November 3 in Ashville, North Carolina. I wish my local church family had known this powerful woman. I share Ellie Charlton to my local church because of the importance of this person in my church life at UCRP as well as in the UMC.

I share Ellie’s story so that you know my story.

I share Ellie’s story because you would have loved her as much as I did.

If you met her, you would see she was a quiet loving mother/grandmother. That is how I met her. Back then I was a scared, shy 28-year-old gay man and believe it or not - quite quiet.

My life as a gay man bought me through many avenues. One main avenue was the church. Coming out to myself and my surrounding world in 1984, found a journey with Affirmation: United Methodist for Lesbian and Gay Concerns [later they add Bisexual, Transgender, and Queer to their name]. The pickings were limited back then finding a church that accepted me as a gay man.

Affirmation is a national voice for the United Methodist [UM] LGBTQ people. This group would meet two to three times a year throughout the country from Washington, DC to Nashville, to San Francisco to Dallas. These gatherings were like a booster shot, affirming that God’s love was upon us as LGBTQ. Unlike the preaching of a loud group called by a wrongful name – Good News.

Good News labels as what they called a “classical evangelical witness and ministry for renewal and reform within The United Methodist Church [UMC],” where they practice what they called orthodox Wesleyan Christianity. In other words, anti-gay to the point telling that God loves everyone but homosexuals. They have since changed their tune that God love all but, only straight people can be in leadership roles within the church for the LGBTQ people are sinners.

This was the confusing world of my church. Much has changed since then that today a schism is on the horizon over the LGBTQ issues.

In Chicago, the Lesbian bars had “No Men Allowed” signs posted. Affirmation lesbians were different. It was mixed. We were UM who came across the country to support and express Christ’s love for each LGBTQ person. Ellie’s mothering introduced me to many people without fear or judgment.

It was Ellie’s love of her church that made me to have the courage to continue to be part of my church. It was her love of all God’s children and the UMC that shown brightly upon me.

Ellie and her partner Jeanne Barnett were involved with Affirmation. At one point Ellie was Affirmation’s treasurer and Jeanne was Affirmation’s co-spokesperson. Ellie was on the California-Nevada conference board of trustees. She was also a regional leader of United Methodist Women, one of the nation's largest women's organizations. Jeanne was a conference lay leader, the highest elected lay position in the annual conference. They were
known by many out on the western parts of the US.

Jump ahead 15 years to 1999, the UMC stand was to press charges against any UM minister who performed a same-gender holy union and banned local UMC from hosting same-gender holy unions. Yet, in the UMC, marriage is a sacramental rite, not a sacrament.

The 1990s view was that:

Holy union is the church’s blessing over two people;

Marriage is the church’s blessing between two people and a state contract of partnership giving legal protections for state and federal benefits.

Throughout the country, UM ministers were bought up on charges for performing same-gender holy unions or being gay. One example: Pastor Gregory Dell of Chicago was suspended from all pastoral duties by a 10-to-3 vote, a church trial jury of 13 UMC pastors found Dell guilty on 26 March 2000 of disobeying church law for performing a same-gender holy union ceremony for two homosexuals [who were friend of mine] at his Broadway UMC congregation.

On the west side of the country, in the UMC there was a fight against keeping all God’s children to be full Christians. Ellie, now 63, and Jeanne, 68, protest the UMC’s stand on holy unions. Being together for 15 years was to say a lot about their bond compared to national averages of straight marriages lasting 5 to 7 years. Although Ellie and Jeanne were not calling the ceremony a wedding because it brought no legal benefits, they said a holy union was a sign of God’s love for their family and their friends’ support.

Their holy union was to be held at their local church St. Mark’s UMC performed by their local church pastor, Rev. Don Fado. This small act of disobedience got bigger and bigger that the venue had to be moved from Ellie and Jeanne’s local church to the city of Sacramento Convention Center. Members of every Reconciling Congregation in the Sacramento, CA, area received an invitation, as did the members of women’s and LGBTQ groups to which Ellie and Jeanne devoted their time. Hundreds attended, and countless more were inspired by Ellie and Jeanne’s ceremony and devotion.

Ninety-five clergy risked their ordinations by uniting Ellie and Jeanne in a holy union [Sixty-five United Methodist clergy members and the rest were from other conferences joined in the ceremony, most of them in absentia. Thirteen clergy from other denominations, including a retired Lutheran Bishop].

I was one of the 1,200 people who witnessed their loving bond being blessed by their – by my church.

“We are on the right side of history and the right side of God,” declared Rev. Don Fado. The center was filled with cheers.

These are the words that could bring
charges against the clergy

"If people are going to file charges," he said, "then let it be because of this prayer." He and the other ministers then read:

"O God our Creator, Redeemer and Sustainer, we bow before you to ask your blessing upon Ellie and Jeanne, whom we now bless in your name. Their commitment to one another grows out of their commitment to you, whose love is revealed through Jesus Christ. We pray for you to guide and strengthen them, that they remain open to your spirit and continue to grow in love. We thank you for Jeanne and Ellie's love and faith, which they so readily share with us. We recognize in this service the place of family, friends, church, and the entire human family. We are able to love because you first loved us. O God, our Maker, we gladly proclaim to the world that Jeanne and Ellie are loving partners together for life. Amen."

If the UMC press charges against the clergy, it would have left a big hole for those local UMC. In the end, the 95 ministers presiding over a same-sex blessing as 1,200 witnesses looked on is probably unrivaled in the church’s long history of grappling with issues of sexuality. A 3-day hearing took place leading to no charges being brought forth.

After the ceremony, Barnett and Charlton thanked their supporters, then encouraged other gays to publicly "come out" and declare their sexual orientation.

"The closet is a dark and unhealthy place," they said. In a reference to the exuberance and affirmation of the worship, they declared that "the sunshine out here is beautiful, and there's more love than you can imagine."

"God created us. God loves us," Ellie told reporters. Then she paused. "I wish [the rest of] the church loved us."

While the worship was a challenge to the denomination, it also affirmed the couple's commitment to the church. Their vows set their relationship within the church community.

Five years after their holy union, Jeanne suffered a stroke in January 1995, while attending an Affirmation Council meeting. Her mental and physical health steadily improved in the years immediately following, but later began to decline with complications from diabetes, deteriorating eyesight, and heart problems. Jeanne died on 1 October 2003. Following Jeanne's death, Ellie found a hand-written note that said, "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."

At an Affirmation spiritual growth retreat in 2006 Ellie met Bev Reddick – a fellow activist and changemaker. When Bev retired from justice work as deaconess, the two moved to Asheville, North Carolina.

Last October, Mark Bowman [former Minister of Music at UCRP] and myself along with other key leaders of Affirmation, gathered in Ashville for a family reunion. It was a time of reflection; a time to share our lives; a time to cry, laugh, worship and sing; a time for my past “booster-shot” knowing God’s love is upon us even during those dark time of the past.

Ten days later, Ellie died. Her last days were painful since she refused pain medication. Her three stoles were sent with her.

Ellie was a quiet in her motherly love but fierce voice in social justice issues.

Former Minister of Music at UCRP Mark Bowman said:

“Ellie was not discreet about her identity and her loves; she boldly wore purple and rainbow colors and symbols of her passions for all the world to see. She was a fierce friend who cultivated and nurtured many treasured relationships over the years. Ellie’s incredible generosity enabled many projects and initiatives advocating for LGBTQ+ persons in religious circles. Ellie’s boundless energy, spirit and passion were gifts to everyone who knew her. I will certainly miss her greatly.”

Dr. Randall Miller, LGBTQ+ justice advocate and friend to Affirmation, says of Ellie:

“What I loved about Ellie was her genuine warmth and her sweet nature. If you didn’t know better, you might miss that underlying this demeanor was a fierce determination and commitment to LGBTQ+ inclusion. Not all firebrands look the part, and I loved this about her.”

RMN Executive Director Jan Lawrence said:

“I was immediately drawn to Ellie and Bev’s warmth, their love for each other, and their passion for justice work. The world is a better place because of Ellie Charlton.”

Ann Craig, co-spokesperson of Affirmation, adds:

“Ellie Charlton was a vital example of the truism, ‘the personal is political.’ Her willingness to be married by dozens of clergies celebrated both the depth of her love for Jeanne and her love for The United Methodist Church. Even retiring as a lesbian couple to Brooks Howell, which is where many UMC missionaries retire, was a witness to the need for justice in the denomination. Ellie provided leadership and ongoing support for Affirmation. The council members of
Affirmation are proud of Ellie’s impact on The United Methodist
Church. We express our condolences to her partner Bev and to all
those who were part of Ellie’s life.”

I share Ellie Charlton to my local church because of the importance of this person in my church life at UCRP as well as in the UMC.

I share Ellie’s story so that you know my story.

I share Ellie’s story because you would have loved her as much as I did.

I see her and all the other saints that have gone before me.